please come you make the beer taste better
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
