As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
