I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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