Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
