I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
