I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
