I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
