just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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