Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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