just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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