The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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