paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
