No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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