My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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