I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
