I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize