Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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