They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
