last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
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Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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