Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
