Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
