you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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