Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
