Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
