dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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