Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
