saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
