so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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