he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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