How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
