AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
