im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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