So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
