Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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