watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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