there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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