I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
