I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
