Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
