my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
