i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
