True but thats because hes a fetus.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
