Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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