Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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