I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
