Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
