I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
