I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
