my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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