His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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