Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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