I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
we made out on top of his cat.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We had to coat check the pizza.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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