Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
When are your genitals available?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
