Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
