Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
