evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
