Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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