so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
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I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
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She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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