You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
