Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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