she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
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