you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize