There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
