Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
