woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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