The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
