you traded sex for a burrito?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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