I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
