Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
