oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
