she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
